Wonder — A Piece by Adarius Henderson

I wonder.

When I held your body in my arms, it felt both heavy and light. I always had these feelings for you. Feelings that made my stomach full and heart heavy. A very confusing yet satisfying conundrum. This is what happens when these feelings come together. I don’t know what to call it. Maybe it’s love. A like. An interest.

I don’t know.

But what I know. Understand. Is that these are the feelings that fuel me. Drive me to be the man that I want to be. To be the man that you want me to be. I know that we are young. I know that we are not ready to face these feelings. These feelings that have molded us into one being. With one heart. One soul. But yet, here we are. In this bubble of love and hate. This bubble of heaviness. Having to swallow all that is and will ever be between us. This is how we deal with these things. This is how young people should deal with these feelings.

But I wonder.

How long could we hold this weight? How long will this weight burden our shoulders? Our backs? Our hearts? Until we give in to the pressure of this emotion. Until we both let go.

I don’t know.

But I always wondered what it would mean to let go.

And lose you.